kansas city sucks.

[nota]

Sex gets old if you do it exactly the same way every time too.  Change things up.

We sat down and wrote out a list of all the folks, singles and couples, republicans/democrats/libertarian/anarchist, gay/lez/bi and so-called straight, poor and rich, suburban and urban, black-white-brown-beige, drunk and sober, and so on.....  Kept adding until we came up with about 75 names.  Then we spent a couple weeks assembling these peoples into interesting potential dinner party groups of six to twelve people.  The groupings have continued to morph as we think about how some personalities might interact with one another, both positively and negatively.  

We started hosting these gatherings last fall and now that the holidays are past, plan to do at least one per month throughout this year.  It's our way of repaying kindnesses, inciting mayhem, getting better acquainted with acquaintances, and simply getting off our asses and doing something.

I love that whole concept-we're stealing it.

[nota]

kc people already are too siloed into their circle of friends (I am guilty of this), putting those in private homes makes it even worse.

That's a stereotype or assumption that may be something you do, but I'd really really question the accuracy of this at least in the circles I travel in.

[nota]

I'm in my late 20's, and I really can't imagine going out with the intention of meeting new friends.  There comes a time, as one comedian said, when you just have enough friends and don't want anymore.  That's where I am right now.  The time for making new friends came and went with college.  Now my idea of fun involves hanging out at a friend's house, drinking and watching a movie or sports.  Or going out to a low key suburban restaurant/bar for some drinks.  If I was single, then it would probably be different.  But I'm still not sure I'd be into the P&L scene even if I was single.  Sometimes on the rare occasion I'm at a bar, I'll spot those two single dudes sipping drinks in the corner, looking for the next girl to pounce on.  I don't miss those days one bit.

As we grow older, our "circle" becomes smaller and less fun unless we keep adding as people move or get different interests, etc. We follow the premise of keeping our group fresh and living rather than closing ranks or allowing it to stagnate. 

[loftguy]

I love that whole concept-we're stealing it.

Good on you, Nota.  We try to bring together people who don't especially know one another, but that seem to have some common chemistry.  

It's been a successful process so far.   I think that on each occasion we've ended up having to ask people to go home.  (One of our guests shared this line with us, "honey, let's go to bed so that these good folks can go home!")

We also have been ending up with some very interesting wine selections.  Bonus!

[chrizow]

We also have been ending up with some very interesting wine selections.  Bonus!

invite my fiancee and i to your next one and we'll bring some MD 20/20.  do you prefer grape or "blue?"

[mean]

I've never been to a local show anywhere that started early. If I'm at a small bar and there's a band playing I don't expect to leave before 1:00 AM.

If you look at Davey's schedule, you'll see that there are plenty of shows starting between 7 and 9:30. Whenever, for example, Mountain Sprout comes through, they play at 7 or 8 and absolutely pack the place. Then everyone leaves and the locals go on starting around 10 and play for 4 people. Davey's is the absolutely worst at that, though.

[nota]

invite my fiancee and i to your next one and we'll bring some MD 20/20.  do you prefer grape or "blue?"

How do you feel about Indiana?

[KCKev]

Please read and stop thinking the world is over 

http://www.kmbc.com/news/22185876/detail.html

[KCPowercat]

ignoring the personal attacks, my point again is the more people don't go 'out' for entertainment, the less bar options there are, which leads to the 'kc sucks' comments.

[Gretz]

house fun is ok some times but it secludes you to that set group of friends, don't have a chance to meet new people or experience new things.  In other words, can get real boring real fast.

Don't know that I agree with this sentiment completely.  I tend to meet and spend a lot more time talking to new people and strangers at house parties than when I go out to a bar.  Maybe it has something to do with everyone at a party at least having some tangential connection to one another or maybe it's just the more homely environs or something else but it seems like people are much more open to meeting and chatting with strangers at house parties than bars.  I have lots of friends that I met and maintained connections with from house parties; can't think of more than a very few people that I met at a bar and maintained contact with.  That said, I understand and agree with your main point about supporting public places and do probably 85% + of my socializing in bars/restaurants or other public settings and especially the Insider/outsider "silos" of friends problem.

I'm in my late 20's, and I really can't imagine going out with the intention of meeting new friends.  There comes a time, as one comedian said, when you just have enough friends and don't want anymore.  That's where I am right now.  The time for making new friends came and went with college.  Now my idea of fun involves hanging out at a friend's house, drinking and watching a movie or sports.  Or going out to a low key suburban restaurant/bar for some drinks.  If I was single, then it would probably be different.  But I'm still not sure I'd be into the P&L scene even if I was single.  Sometimes on the rare occasion I'm at a bar, I'll spot those two single dudes sipping drinks in the corner, looking for the next girl to pounce on.  I don't miss those days one bit.

Nothing personal, kcmetro, but this attitude is the main thing I hate about Kansas City.  I think it's a very common attitude here for understandable reasons -- most people in my age-group (late 20s, early 30s) that live here either grew up here or at least went to college here, have lived here a long time and thus already have their friends and don't seek to branch out.  There just isn't a very large pool of young outsiders looking to form new connections. -- but that doesn't make any less sucky.  I've been here for about 4 years now and it's not that big of a deal anymore as I've managed to insinuate myself into 3 or 4 different and diverse circles of friends, satisfying most of my social needs but for the first year or two it was tough.  It took me longer here to form friendships of any depth than anywhere else I've lived in my adult life by a lot, just because this attitude seems to be so widespread.  Cities that are magnets for outsiders, particularly young ones, just seem to have more of an open, friendly, pro-social culture that is not as widespread here.  Something about everyone being secluded in their silos of friends that have often been pretty static as far back as grade-school or at least high-school or college seems to lead to the atrophying of basic social skills and a lack of interest in new people that I just don't get and haven't seen nearly as much of in other places that I've lived.  Of course there are plenty of exceptions -- there are plenty of outsiders and even insiders that do take an interest in new people here just as there are plenty of cordoned-off groups of insiders in a place like DC or NYC or San Fran -- and it's all a matter of proportions; just seems like it is harder to break into the social pipe-line here than many cities that are a tier or two above KC as far as being able to attract outsiders from beyond the immediate rural hinterlands and nearby peer cities.  I'm at peace with KC and its social scene now for the most part and my periods of geography-angst are shorter and more manageable than they once were.  The "closed for business" social mentality of huge portions (most, probably) of KC's social silos is def still by far my biggest beef with the metro and really sucks for new-comers trying to get plugged into the social pipeline unless they just happen to get lucky and connect with interesting people right away through work or family or something.

[aknowledgeableperson]

ignoring the personal attacks, my point again is the more people don't go 'out' for entertainment, the less bar options there are, which leads to the 'kc sucks' comments.

Less bars equals kc sucks does not necessarily equate.  Maybe if your life evolves around bars that is the case but I don't buy it for many in the area.

[ColumbusParkian]

sheesh AKP, will you PLEASE stop with the personal attacks!!!!!

[midtown]

Don't know that I agree with this sentiment completely.  I tend to meet and spend a lot more time talking to new people and strangers at house parties than when I go out to a bar.  Maybe it has something to do with everyone at a party at least having some tangential connection to one another or maybe it's just the more homely environs or something else but it seems like people are much more open to meeting and chatting with strangers at house parties than bars.  I have lots of friends that I met and maintained connections with from house parties; can't think of more than a very few people that I met at a bar and maintained contact with.  That said, I understand and agree with your main point about supporting public places and do probably 85% + of my socializing in bars/restaurants or other public settings and especially the Insider/outsider "silos" of friends problem.

Nothing personal, kcmetro, but this attitude is the main thing I hate about Kansas City.  I think it's a very common attitude here for understandable reasons -- most people in my age-group (late 20s, early 30s) that live here either grew up here or at least went to college here, have lived here a long time and thus already have their friends and don't seek to branch out.  There just isn't a very large pool of young outsiders looking to form new connections. -- but that doesn't make any less sucky.  I've been here for about 4 years now and it's not that big of a deal anymore as I've managed to insinuate myself into 3 or 4 different and diverse circles of friends, satisfying most of my social needs but for the first year or two it was tough.  It took me longer here to form friendships of any depth than anywhere else I've lived in my adult life by a lot, just because this attitude seems to be so widespread.  Cities that are magnets for outsiders, particularly young ones, just seem to have more of an open, friendly, pro-social culture that is not as widespread here.  Something about everyone being secluded in their silos of friends that have often been pretty static as far back as grade-school or at least high-school or college seems to lead to the atrophying of basic social skills and a lack of interest in new people that I just don't get and haven't seen nearly as much of in other places that I've lived.  Of course there are plenty of exceptions -- there are plenty of outsiders and even insiders that do take an interest in new people here just as there are plenty of cordoned-off groups of insiders in a place like DC or NYC or San Fran -- and it's all a matter of proportions; just seems like it is harder to break into the social pipe-line here than many cities that are a tier or two above KC as far as being able to attract outsiders from beyond the immediate rural hinterlands and nearby peer cities.  I'm at peace with KC and its social scene now for the most part and my periods of geography-angst are shorter and more manageable than they once were.  The "closed for business" social mentality of huge portions (most, probably) of KC's social silos is def still by far my biggest beef with the metro and really sucks for new-comers trying to get plugged into the social pipeline unless they just happen to get lucky and connect with interesting people right away through work or family or something.

Thank you for the second part of your post.  It puts into words my wife and I's feelings much better than I could have.  It's definitely really hard, as an outsider in your late 20's, to make any kind of lasting connections here, or to "break in" to other social groups.  We've lived here 2 and a half years and are still struggling a bit with this, though we have finally made some great friends here.

[jdubwaldo]

midtown and gretz - 100% agree with all of your comments, I totally feel the same way.

[kimchi]

I have found Kansas City to be the exact opposite.  It has been much easier for me to meet people here than it was in San Francisco or Boston.  I'm not sure if that is because I'm originally from the midwest, whether it's the people/city (friendly) or if I'm just more seasoned in the process having moved before.  Also I'm far from shy & a big fan of this motto "Strangers are just friends you haven't met yet."  I find it easy to strike up a conversation with almost anyone, at either a bar or house party & purposefully choose to eat at the bar most of the time (even when in the company of my husband or others) for the opportunity of new conversations with new people.   

I've been here 1.5 years now & rarely find myself lacking something to do culturally.  There seems to be options in music, art, performance, food or a bar night with friends to do almost every night, and many places left to discover.  Read all the free weeklies + online events websites + look at your "friends' events" tab on your facebook events.  Lots of upcoming opportunities soon such as the Nelson Party Arty (Jan.23) - sadly I'll be out of town ;/ & KC Fringe Mardi Gras Party (Feb.13). W. Bottoms has been active lately too

I love loftguys's party idea too & may steal it.

This bored/not bored mentality is normal & part of the ebb & flow of living anywhere.  Winter doldrums do currently have an influence. Don't get sucked into it!  After this long cold winter, I think Spring is going to be crazy fun with people so happy to be out.

Music is integral to my experience as well as I cannot stomach crap music (want me to leave? play the radio).  Bars/restaurants here with a good soundtrack are not entirely abundant, but then again music is so personal.  I think we need to start an iPod Wars night.  Rules/process here: http://www.kittenpants.org/bt/ipodwar.asp  Not much effort, just discovering others' personal tastes & hopefully something you like as well.  A good way to gather people & start conversations.  I'll do my best to make this happen very soon & will keep you posted.

Tons of potential & thirst for culture here in KC.  let's make it happen & keep the ideas flowing


[quote="Gretz"]

It took me longer here to form friendships of any depth than anywhere else I've lived in my adult life by a lot, just because this attitude seems to be so widespread.  Cities that are magnets for outsiders, particularly young ones, just seem to have more of an open, friendly, pro-social culture that is not as widespread here. 

[shinatoo]

Music is integral to my experience as well as I cannot stomach crap music (want me to leave? play the radio).  Bars/restaurants here with a good soundtrack are not entirely abundant, but then again music is so personal.  I think we need to start an iPod Wars night.  Rules/process here: http://www.kittenpants.org/bt/ipodwar.asp  Not much effort, just discovering others' personal tastes & hopefully something you like as well.  A good way to gather people & start conversations.  I'll do my best to make this happen very soon & will keep you posted.

That sounds awesome. I would have to greatly par boil down my number of songs loaded on my I-pod or make a play list to shuffle through. I have something like 10,000 songs and I'm sure there are a lot of stinkers.

[kimchi]

that's kinda the point!  my husband has more than 30,000 on his (the soundtrack of The Westside Local).  it's a game of chance...and individual taste. Hopefully next week there.  Stay tuned...
 

That sounds awesome. I would have to greatly par boil down my number of songs loaded on my I-pod or make a play list to shuffle through. I have something like 10,000 songs and I'm sure there are a lot of stinkers.

[staubio]

Catching up on this thread and I was thinking exactly what Gretz offered the entire time. While I have a few friends from college that ended up in this area, most of my friendships have been formed here during my late 20s. There is certainly a hardened social circle feeling here. Sure, it is easy to meet and talk to people but it isn't easy to eek into people's groups or routines. Some pre-existing groups will welcome you but you still aren't all the way "in" if you don't share their history. I love meeting and talking to new people, so I too sit at the bar when I can. If you stick in isolation to just your group, what is the point of spending the money to pay the bar three times as much for the same drink? You pay for the atmosphere that affords opportunity to meet people, run into old friends unexpectedly or enjoy the entertainment.

I just spent the weekend in Denver, where we talked to a ton of strangers and even hitched a ride from a new friend met chatting at the bar. KC is fiercely friendly, but it seems more superficial. I don't see KCers doing things like that very often. I think we want to, in general, but we're all following some silly unwritten code of understated social interaction.

I've found that sorta-social events and organizations are the best way to meet people in KC. Join your neighborhood association, a "Young Friends of" organization, a MeetUp group, etc. People go to that stuff because they want to meet people.

[im2kull]

Hey..at least the Open Container law doesn't apply in P&L.  There's only a handful of places like that in the entire nation...so party on!

[aknowledgeableperson]

sheesh AKP, will you PLEASE stop with the personal attacks!!!!!

Personal attack no.  Just did not agree with the statement made.  The word "you" was not meant to be personalized to one person but was to be in the plural form.


Plus KCP brought up the term "personal attacks" and also called my life "boring"

In other words, can get real boring real fast.

When did a difference of opinion become a "personal attack"?